I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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