I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
