I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
