Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
