girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
