its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
