the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need moral support for this bender
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
