And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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