Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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