he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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