Please, let me fuck your mom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
