I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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