Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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