I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
