noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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