That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
