i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
