i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
