I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
