at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize