How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
