your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
