She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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