Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
