You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
