Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
