I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
