woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they're like a gay fantastic four
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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