I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
