I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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