You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
