Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
