Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
