You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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