$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
