I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
