I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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