they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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