I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
