Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
