my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
