shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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