Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
they're like a gay fantastic four
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
