I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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