when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize