You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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