my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
