My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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