Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sobbing to NWA
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
