Will you blow on my dice?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
