please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
