Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
