my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
