Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ketchup is God's man juice
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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