haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
