Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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