He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
