She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
