His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
