He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
