Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
