Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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