my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
May the power of my ass compel you!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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