New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
