I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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