I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
