Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
