I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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