remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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