I got chris browned last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
